She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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