I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
