it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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