ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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