At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
