oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
