dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
