I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
