I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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