so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
pray to the hookup gods
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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