I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
