Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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