Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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