I can tuck mytits in my pants
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
