im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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