I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
