I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
