I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
