a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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