he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
