That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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