i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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