i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
