Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
