We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
