did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
