i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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