One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
