The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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