she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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