I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
