This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
