At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
