are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
