Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
