lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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