The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
