I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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