I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
