Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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