My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
