At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have aggressive nipples.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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