After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
