Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
