There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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