dude i'm inner monologue high
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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