problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
