Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
