The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I will be naked everywhere
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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