I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i drank out of a bidet.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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