i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
